


bed bath and beyond

by zhujungjungting (runswithchopsticks)



Category: Produce 101 (TV), Wanna One (Band)
Genre: Crack, Established Relationship, Humor, I lost my marbles trying to write this, M/M, and I still haven't found them, badly placed innuendos, both boys have terrible potty mouths I'm sorry, mentioned Jisung/Daniel
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-11
Updated: 2017-12-11
Packaged: 2019-01-20 03:37:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,434
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12424254
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/runswithchopsticks/pseuds/zhujungjungting
Summary: Seongwoo and Jihoon go shopping for things for their new apartment at Bed Bath and Beyond.(aka: Seongwoo pushes Jihoon and his cupcake around in a shopping cart.)





	bed bath and beyond

**Author's Note:**

> I'm quite sure that 90% of the items mentioned here do not exist in South Korea (everything except for the Zojirushi?) but let's pretend they do  
> Hello my lovely prompter! Thank you so much for submitting this prompt. I, uh, got a little carried away with this (I cackled a lot while writing?) and it spiraled into hell, but at least this time around hell is enjoyable. I hope you enjoy the work! :)

“So this is the magical land of benzoyl peroxide-resistant pillowcases, wire head massagers, and heated vibrating leather chairs,” Jihoon murmurs, staring up at the giant glowing sign above him.

“Yup,” Seongwoo affirms, his thumbs hooked into his pants pockets. He leans up on his toes once and then rocks back on his heels. “I feel like I’m about to enter Narnia.”

“And I feel like something bad is going to happen,” Jihoon notes. He glances down at the cupcake he holds in his left hand. Should he eat it now while he’s still at the entrance? “Given the chance, I don’t think Daniel-hyung would choose to send us to Narnia. I’d think he’d rather send us to hell.”

Seongwoo gasps. “Don’t you dare insult--” he begins, but Jihoon rolls his eyes.

“His job is working the night shift at a bar--and even then his favorite alcoholic drink is called a _Pussy Popper_ \--he listens to The Chainsmokers, and he once got a tattoo of the supposed Chinese characters for ‘spirit’ on his right ass cheek only to find out a week later that the tattoo artist--the tattoo artist _you_ recommended--fooled his gullible ass and instead wrote ‘pork’. He’s sent us to hell, hyung,” Jihoon interrupts.

“Oh _shut up_ ,” Seongwoo mutters, glaring at Jihoon pointedly. “Eat your cupcake. You said you wanted one, so I bought you one, so _eat it_.”

Jihoon glances down at his cupcake. Nope, he’s not going to eat it at the entrance, just to spite his boyfriend.

Seongwoo, peeved at the haughty smile Jihoon shoots up at him, scrunches his nose. This brat. “Whatever. We’re here, and we need to buy shit for the new apartment,” he says, rolling his shoulders. “Come on.”

Jihoon looks up at the giant glowing _Bed Bath and Beyond_ sign once more before he trails after Seongwoo into the store. The checkout stands are located at the very front, and a saleslady greets them as they walk inside.

Seongwoo casually offers her a wave before heading off to the side, grabbing one of those blue shopping carts with the giant pole attached to it.

“Wait,” Jihoon begins, setting a hand down on the cart. Seongwoo pauses, and Jihoon pulls out the little child seat and sets his cupcake inside it. The next moment, he braces his hands on the side of the cart and hoists himself up and over, dropping into the cart. He makes himself comfortable, crossing his legs and reaching over to grab his cupcake, before he smiles contentedly at Seongwoo. “Okay,” he says, happily, “you can proceed.”

“I’m not pushing both your ass and the other shit we buy,” Seongwoo protests, crossing his arms and tapping his foot.

“But hyung,” Jihoon whines, putting on his puppy eyes. He holds his cupcake next to his face. It’s vanilla with blue frosting and pink sprinkles. “I have a cupcake.”

Both Jihoon and Seongwoo know that that’s a stupid explanation, but Seongwoo still sighs the moment after, rubbing his face with a palm, and relents. He wraps his hands around the handle of the cart and begins to push, and Jihoon grins, licking the frosting on his cupcake.

Seongwoo notices him distracted by his cupcake, and he also notices that straight ahead, there’s a giant aisle. Glancing down once again, Jihoon is still not facing him, so he wouldn’t be able to see the shit-eating grin that’s grown on Seongwoo’s face.

And the very next second, Seongwoo takes off running, his hands still braced on the handle of the shopping cart.

Jihoon immediately lurches forward, and he nearly smashes his face right into his cupcake. “Wh--” he begins, but the sound of his voice is overwhelmed by Seongwoo’s “Weeeeeeeee!” as Seongwoo’s feet leave the ground and he hops onto the metal step of the cart.

“Hyuuuuuuuuung!” Jihoon wails, leaning back against the blue plastic, holding onto the cart for his life with one hand, grasping the cupcake for its life with his other hand. “Stoooooop!” he cries, his eyes wide, and he can feel the air rushing by fly back his hair as they cruise down the aisle at an alarming speed. The only thing Jihoon receives in return is Seongwoo’s cackling from behind him, and at that moment, he wants to smash his cupcake into that bastard’s face, but he quickly rethinks that desire because he’d rather eat it.

But that thought returns to him a second or two later, when he and Seongwoo are quickly approaching a wall at the very end of the store, and it doesn’t seem like Seongwoo has any plans to stop the cart’s movement. Instead, that idiot is _still_ laughing his head off.

“Hyuuuuuuuuung!” Jihoon wails, this time his voice much, much louder, “Nooooooooooooo!” They’re going to crash straight into the wall in 3, 2, 1…

In a split second, Seongwoo quickly jumps down, planting his feet on the ground. He nearly trips as he does so, his body weight falling onto the cart as he scrambles to regain his footing. The cart tips slightly, rising up onto its back wheels.

With a sharp _clack_ , it falls back onto all four of its wheels a second later.

Jihoon lurches forward suddenly, and he smashes his nose straight into his cupcake.

Seongwoo sees Jihoon’s head tilted forward, but the odd thing is that Jihoon is just sitting there in that position, completely still. Seongwoo raises an eyebrow. What’s wrong?

A few seconds of ominous silence later, Jihoon slowly raises and turns his head.

“You fucker,” he growls at Seongwoo, his lips curled into a scowl, temples and eyebrows tensed, but Seongwoo can’t take him seriously (actually, Seongwoo _never_ takes him seriously), because there’s now blue frosting smeared all over his upper lip and his nose, and the only thing Seongwoo can do is hold his stomach, throw his head back, and laugh.

“How _dare_ you--” Jihoon begins, his voice low and rough, “--violate me and my _cupcake_?”

Seongwoo can’t stop laughing -- his stomach hurts too much, he’s going to fall onto the ground and maybe go into cardiac arrest too, because Jihoon looks so _stupid_ with the lower half of his face covered in blue and pink, but the way he’s glaring is simultaneously so _cute_ \-- yeah, Seongwoo is _definitely_ going to go into cardiac arrest, he’s already got heart palpitations.

“Answer me, you dickhead!” Jihoon cries, and he gingerly sets down his cupcake in the child seat before getting onto his knees and leaning over the front of the cart, his arms waving wildly in the air as he tries to grasp at Seongwoo and maybe even punch him.

But Seongwoo just backs away a step or two, because Jihoon’s already quite short, and with the extra steps between them there’s absolutely no way he’d be able to reach Seongwoo. Seongwoo is still laughing because Jihoon angrily waving arms, too-long sweatshirt sleeves flapping in the air, face smeared with blue frosting speckled with pink, is the greatest thing he’s seen in a long time.

When his laughter’s calmed a bit, Jihoon is still waving his arms around like fish flopping on land, so Seongwoo just places his hand on Jihoon’s face and pushes him backwards.

“Wh--” Jihoon begins, and he instinctively bites Seongwoo’s palm.

Seongwoo yelps, jumping up in the air, immediately retracting his arm. He holds his wrist and shakes his hand vigorously, glaring at Jihoon, as if he were just burnt by the little creature sitting inside his shopping cart. “What the _fuck_ , you little--” he begins, but Jihoon interrupts him with his “What the _fuck_ , you bastard--”

“I just wanted frosting!” Seongwoo cries, “Calm your shit, Jihoon--”

“Oh my _god_ , did you just tell me to calm _my-_ -” Jihoon protests, his lips curling back into a scowl, and he’s already back at leaning over the front of the shopping cart, one arm extended and trying to grab at Seongwoo.

But Seongwoo interrupts him by swiping his palm over Jihoon’s face, picking up some frosting as he does so. He brings his hand up to his mouth, and gingerly licks.

Jihoon pauses. His eyes narrow in suspicion.

“Hm,” Seongwoo hums, “not bad. Although, this is too sweet for me.” Yet, even after he’s finished licking up all the frosting he’d picked up initially, he approaches Jihoon, who’s still frozen in place, for more.

Jihoon slaps his arm away. “Geez,” he mutters, rolling his eyes, his expression still molded into one of a searing scowl, “at least use some hand sanitizer.” He reaches into the pocket of his sweatshirt and extracts a little bottle of Purell and tosses it to Seongwoo.

“Thanks,” Seongwoo replies, with a grin, and Jihoon just grumbles, sitting on his shins with his hands on his thighs as Seongwoo rubs the frosting off of his face with his alcohol-scented fingers.

* * *

After the whole cupcake debacle, Seongwoo swears he’s going to (attempt to) remain serious for the rest of the time, and Jihoon has to begrudgingly side-eye him before he sticks up his nose, sniffs, and goes back to sitting in the shopping cart with his legs crossed, the remains of his cupcake cradled in his hands (there’s still at least half of it left, so he’s most definitely going to keep it and eat it).

The first place they stop by is the kitchen area. Jihoon points at a Zojirushi rice cooker and says he wants it, but Seongwoo peers at it, squinting, and asks, “Do you want this because of the little elephant on it and the flower print?”

Jihoon glares at him. “ _No_ ,” he replies, pointedly, “I want it because we _cannot_ continue to cook rice with a pan on the stove. Remember last time? You tried to make it fancy by adding olive oil and nearly burnt off your face in the process. Who adds _olive oil_ to rice?” He scrunches his nose. “Actually, we _can_ _afford_ olive oil?”

Seongwoo pauses. No, they most certainly cannot afford olive oil (nor this rice cooker too) -- Jihoon most definitely does not need to know that the olive oil was homemade by Jisung, because for some odd reason, Daniel and his husband just happened to have an olive tree in their backyard and a centrifuge in their garage -- _what_?

“We can’t afford Zojirushi anyways,” Seongwoo points out, but he does admit that they do need an _actual_ rice cooker, because yes, he did nearly burn off his face last time while cooking rice on the stovetop -- so he just picks up some generic branded rice cooker that’s labeled as 50% off. As he places the box in the cart next to Jihoon, he mentally prays that the reason that it’s 50% off is not because it’s going to burn his face off, because 1. He likes his face (and he bets it’s the only reason Jihoon is dating him, that brat), and 2. He would’ve just wasted a good forty-thousand won because the stovetop rice cooking would’ve marred his strikingly good looks eventually, anyways. He doesn’t need some (not really) fancy new device to do that for him.

Seongwoo just continues to push the cart around the displays, eyeing the shelves up and down for anything else that he and Jihoon might need. He throws in a banana tree, an apple slicer, some hand towels (one of them has a penguin embroidered on it -- clearance from the wintertime, and Seongwoo smiles smugly at the 80% off sticker), and Jihoon leans over to grab a bundle of silverware from a shelf, because of course they cannot continue to eat with plastic cutlery stolen from Minhyun’s house parties (Jonghyun once caught Jihoon sneaking out with a box of plastic forks hidden underneath his jacket and promptly threatened to tell Minhyun, until Jihoon threatened back to tattle to Minhyun about the ugly fate of the sweater Minhyun had knit for Jonghyun last Christmas, so Jonghyun promptly shut up) and use red solo cups as spoons. Do you know how hard it is to eat yogurt when your spoon won’t even fit in the damn carton?

As Seongwoo is pushing the cart out of the kitchen area, he stops at a bright blue display, parking the cart right next to it. Jihoon leans over, eyeing the products up and down. He raises his eyebrows.

Seongwoo grabs three of the items and tosses them in the cart. Jihoon lifts one up, looking at it curiously. “‘Scrub Daddy’?” he reads. Still holding the blue cardboard backboard with a little yellow sponge strapped to it, he looks at Seongwoo, frowning. “Are you going to ask me to scrub you with this?” he asks. He doesn’t know how that’s going to be possible, because the smiley face sponge is hardly larger than the size of his palm, and Seongwoo is, well… big.

Seongwoo nearly chokes at Jihoon’s question. “ _W-What_?” he stutters, hacking out a sound that’s somewhere between violent coughing and drunken laughter.

“It says ‘Scrub Daddy’,” Jihoon states, plainly, and holds the product up. “So, does that mean I scrub you with this or not?”

Seongwoo wants to ask if Jihoon is joking, but _no_ , he looks completely and utterly serious. So Seongwoo just harshly clears his throat, swallowing back the phlegm that’d risen up, and grimaces. “That’s for silverware, you idiot,” he replies, “you stick a spoon in the smile part and that makes it easier to clean.”

“Oh,” Jihoon murmurs, letting his hand down, staring critically at the sponge. If anything, he almost looks embarrassed, and Seongwoo feels laughter rising in the back of his throat.

Seongwoo’s grin gets larger, and his voice shakes as he tries to hold back the laughter. “But hey,” he adds, and Jihoon looks up. He begins to wiggle his eyebrows up and down, and Jihoon is now absolutely terrified. “If you really wanted to, I wouldn’t mind it. Scrub me, I mean.”

“ _Oh my god_ ,” Jihoon immediately mutters, and Seongwoo’s grin at that moment is so fucking ugly, Jihoon’s face is contorting into a bunch of different expressions because he’s entirely unsure of what he’s feeling at the moment -- anger, embarrassment, frustration, disgust? The only thing he does know is that he wants to smash the rest of his cupcake into that grinning bastard’s face, but when he glances down at it, he swears he hears his cupcake wailing, “Nooooo!” So being the kind savior he is, he sets it down next to him before he grabs the Scrub Daddy with his right hand and throws it at Seongwoo.

He cackles when the sponge hits his boyfriend right smack in his face.

* * *

When they stop by the bed and bath area (Jihoon has an inward chuckle -- _How fitting_ , he thinks, because they’re in _Bed Bath and Beyond_ ), Jihoon makes Seongwoo stop the cart for something he insists he _must_ have. He points to a transparent plastic zip-bag with a bed sheet set inside it, and when Seongwoo pulls it out of the shelf to properly see its contents, he nearly chokes.

“ _Really_?” he asks, looking at an indignant Jihoon, “Do you expect _me_ to sleep on unicorns and rainbows and clouds?” He stares at the Lisa Frank-themed print. The unicorn, with its super-thick eyelashes and sparkling blue eyes, smiles cutely up at him, and Seongwoo is not sure if he wants to pet it or throw up.

“ _Hyung_ ,” Jihoon begins, crossing his arms, and Seongwoo braces himself, because oh god Jihoon is putting on his aegyo voice and puppy eyes and Seongwoo is _not_ going to be able to handle this in public properly, “isn’t she pretty, though?” He gestures at the unicorn. “Come _on,_  you don’t want to disappoint her.”

Seongwoo clears his throat, pounding on his chest for a couple of beats. “Do you really want _Lisa Frank_ bed sheets?” he asks, trying to make himself sound as manly and commanding as possible (he’s quite successful at it, he thinks, but _everybody_ knows that Jihoon doesn’t really give a shit about that unless it’s in the bedroom), “You’re twenty, and we finally bought an apartment together, and don’t you want something a little more, um, _mature_?”

The only response he receives is Jihoon’s face falling even more and another “But _hyung_ ,” being shot his way, and Seongwoo can physically feel his insides shriveling up and disintegrating into dust.

The two stare at each other like that for several long seconds, both unrelenting, and Seongwoo is hurriedly sorting through his head in order to come with anything to convince Jihoon otherwise because he is _not_ going to sleep on rainbows and unicorns for the sake of his fragile male ego.

And the very next moment, he cracks a slow and wide grin. “Well, _Jihoonie_ ,” he begins, his tongue drawling out _Jihoonie_ , “do you really want the unicorn to see you when you’re so desperate, crying and begging for d--”

“Buy me the unicorn,” Jihoon growls, interrupting Seongwoo, “or else I’m leaving your disgustingly kinky ass.”

Seongwoo barks out a laugh. “Are you really going to break up with me because I won’t--”

Jihoon sticks his nose up. “ _Yes_ ,” he affirms, sniffing.

A few seconds of pregnant silence pass as Seongwoo narrows his eyes, debating whether or not Jihoon is serious; but alas, he _looks_ entirely serious, and Seongwoo is not risking it, so he lifts up the plastic zip-bag and sets it down in the cart, his fragile male ego deflated, and mutters, “Okay, fine, but this means that we _have to_ buy something _mature_ as well.”

Jihoon smiles his stupid little smile--he even throws in a cute little laugh--and happily replies, “Okay! Thank you, hyung!”

Seongwoo promptly wants to pat Jihoon’s head _and_ bang his own head against a display shelf. The war raging inside of him is so intense, he almost can’t control it, and he turns his body away so Jihoon doesn’t have to seen the reel of uncomfortably cryptic and mildly kooky-looking expressions passing over his face.

* * *

They’re halfway through the bed and bath area, and Seongwoo sets down a bundle of wine red velvet-covered closet hangers in the cart. As he walks over and continues pushing the cart, Jihoon lifts the hangers up and glances at the sticker.

“This is real fucking expensive,” he notes, frowning. “Ten-thousand won for _five_ hangers? Hyung, what’re you thinking?”

Seongwoo just sniffs. “They look nice, okay?” he mutters. The suits he bought on clearance from Men’s Warehouse would look lovely on them.

Jihoon sighs. “This is all so expensive,” he murmurs, and promptly shoves the last bite of his cupcake into his mouth because he needs something sweet to repair the hole in his heart that’s going to be a hole in his wallet very soon.

But later, he stops Seongwoo by pointing to something high up on a shelf. “We need one of those,” he says, and Seongwoo peers at the item label.

“Uh,” he begins, and when Jihoon notices his hesitation, he just sighs, standing up in the cart and plucking one off of the shelf himself.

“A _Squatty Potty_?” Seongwoo begins, putting his hands on his hips, “Are you fucking serious? You’re the one that’s complaining about how expensive everything is, yet you want to spend _twenty-thousand won_ on an over-glorified plastic stool?”

Jihoon scoffs. “Oh come _on_ ,” he retorts, “stop complaining. You know, you shouldn’t cut corners on your health. This--” he gestures at the Squatty Potty, “--is for the health of our bowel movements.”

Seongwoo doesn’t know if he’s joking or not.

The next moment, Jihoon crosses his arms and looks at Seongwoo pointedly. “And besides, with all the shit you eat, I’m quite sure you will find it more beneficial than I will,” he adds.

“Oh my fucking god,” Seongwoo says, and he’s not sure whether he should laugh or cry, “did you _just_ \--”

Jihoon simply plops down in the shopping cart, crossing his legs, and smiles smugly.

* * *

“Hey,” Seongwoo begins, placing his index finger on his bottom lip, “which shower curtains should we get?”

Jihoon glances up at the display shelves, and he shrugs. “Don’t know,” he murmurs, “maybe that one?” He points to what’s currently displayed on the model bathroom in front of them -- navy blue shower curtains with horizontal white stripes.

“I’ve got a better idea,” Seongwoo says, with a grin, and he pulls out a package from a shelf, proudly showing it to Jihoon. “Whadya think?”

“How about _no_ ,” Jihoon replies immediately, when he sees the little photo of the supposed shower curtains printed on the cardboard slip inside the package. Yeah, sure, they're plain white shower curtains, but there’s a drawing of Shakespeare on it with the words “To pee or not to pee” written below it. “Are you not the one that said we should buy something _mature_?” Jihoon asks, pointedly. Seongwoo opens his mouth to protest, but Jihoon promptly shuts him up. “For one, this isn’t even fitting for you because I _know_ you pee in the shower anyways, and two, what’re guests going to think? That we’re abominations like Daniel-hyung and Jisung-hyung? For god’s sake, hyung, those two have shower curtains with a grinning shower head that says ‘Every naked person I see turns me on’, which is the stupidest thing ever.”

“ _Hey_!” Seongwoo exclaims, trying to look as offended as he possibly can, because Jihoon just insulted his best friend (well, Daniel is Jihoon’s friend too, although their friendship is saltier than the Dead Sea) for the second time that day, but both times were with facts that are completely and utterly true. “You have to admit, it’s kind of funny--”

Jihoon promptly shakes his head and crosses his arms. “They’re _abominations_ , hyung. Have you not seen the decorations they have on the walls in their living room? They’re basically all photos of their rottweiler--” _obnoxiously named ‘_ Sunshine _'_ , Jihoon silently adds, “--wearing that ugly pink petticoat, a daisy sunhat, and one of Jisung-hyung’s many pairs of Ray-Bans with the camouflage-colored frames--” because for some reason, Jisung is simultaneously boujee as hell _and_ loves to go hunting and fishing on the weekends -- aka the worst redneck Jihoon has _ever_ met, “--disgusting.”

Seongwoo stands there with his mouth hanging open, because it’s all so utterly and sorrowfully true.

A second of silence later, Jihoon raises an eyebrow. His expression relaxes slightly. “Actually,” he begins, scrunching his nose, “why does Jisung-hyung go hunting with Ray-Bans? Everyone knows you’re supposed to wear Oakleys.”

Seongwoo just smacks his hand on his forehead, and as he lets his palm slide slowly off of his face, he sighs, putting the package in his hand back on the shelf. “Then,” he begins, and pulls out another package, “how about this?”

Jihoon glances at the package, and then glances back up his boyfriend, who’s now grinning like  a maniac _again_ with all his ugly teeth (actually, they’re very white and very straight, which makes Jihoon just loathe his smile even more) on display. “ _No_ ,” Jihoon responds, scowling at both Seongwoo and the package of _transparent_ shower curtains. He glances next to him and quickly assesses the amount of stupid shit they’ve got. “Hyung, we’ve already picked up a Tweety Bird blanket set, a couple of body pillows--which, I _know_ you’re going to buy those dakimakura pillowcases with that one stupid anime character on them, _do not_ try to lie to me--” What was that one anime chick’s name? The one with the pink hair and the fucking annoying as hell voice, who’s named after a flower? “--and several of those those awful picture frames with the piece of cloth inside that has ‘Live. Laugh. Love.’ crocheted on it in cursive, all at the urging of _you._ ”

“How dare you insult my choices in decor!” Seongwoo exclaims, gaping his mouth open in (mostly) mock offense, “And for your information, her name is S--”

“I don’t care!” Jihoon interrupts, frustratingly rubbing his face with his too-long sweater sleeves, “Can we at least make the shower curtains mature? I mean, this is the _bathroom_ we’re talking about, hyung.”

If possible, Seongwoo’s fragile male ego has deflated even more. “Fine,” he relents, sighing and glaring at Jihoon, “if it satisfies you.” He puts back the package in his hand and stares at the shelves. “Which one?”

Jihoon just leans over, pulls out a package himself, and sets it down in the cart next to him. “There,” he states, crossing his arms.

Seongwoo glances at the package. Plain white curtains. Oh golly gee, how utterly creative. He glares at Jihoon, who glares back, but at the next moment, Jihoon breaks out in laughter, so Seongwoo laughs too.

* * *

While they’re strolling around (well, more like Seongwoo is strolling around and pushing Jihoon) and looking at soap dispensers, an employee comes up to them and points out that they generally don’t allow people to sit in carts unless they are children.

Seongwoo just says, “Okay,” and moves over, placing his hands under Jihoon’s armpits with the intention to lift him out, but Jihoon promptly says, “I’m his nephew.”

Seongwoo freezes.

“I am eleven years old and weigh forty-two kilograms,” Jihoon blatantly states, blinking.

The employee looks Jihoon up and down, taking in his baggy sweatshirt and sweatpants (both waaaay too fucking big for him, because they’re Seongwoo’s, and Jihoon is wearing two belts to hold the damn pants up). She figures that Jihoon might as well be that small, because he’s positively swamped in gray cotton. She mutters, “Oh, sorry, I didn’t know,” and walks away.

Seongwoo is still frozen in place, his palms warm under Jihoon’s armpits.

“You should probably move,” Jihoon points out, glancing down at Seongwoo’s hands, “you look kind of stupid like that.”

Seongwoo immediately scowls, but then he laughs the moment after. “You lazy and sneaky little bastard,” he chuckles.

Jihoon just smiles and winks.

* * *

They’re passing through one of the huge aisles in the store that have little display racks and shelves lined down the middle when Seongwoo abruptly stops. He walks around a shelf and plucks a package off of it.

“What?” Jihoon asks, watching his boyfriend.

Seongwoo laughs as he reads the package. “Do you want one?” he asks, and flips the thing over to show Jihoon.

“A ‘Romphim’?” Jihoon asks, squinting, “The hell is that?”

“A romper for guys,” Seongwoo replies casually. Jihoon automatically snorts at his statement, but he doesn’t give an answer.

Seongwoo holds the package next to Jihoon’s face, eyeing the romper design on the label and trying to imagine it on Jihoon. It’s Hawaiian floral print, with a khaki background and bright crimson flowers. “Actually,” he begins, scrunching his nose up, “this is quite possibly the most unsexy thing I’ve ever seen.”

At registering Seongwoo’s words, Jihoon lunges forward, his hands outstretched. “Yes!” he cries, “I want one!” Seongwoo has to take several quick steps back, cradling the package to his chest in fear as if Jihoon just tried to bite him (again).

“Please!” Jihoon cries, and then he silently adds, _Please buy me one so I can wear it every single day._

“I refuse!” Seongwoo replies, quickly setting the package down on its shelf. “I will not!” he adds, as Jihoon makes a bunch of frustratingly garbled noises, reaching his hands out and grabbing at Seongwoo’s shirt, because _oh hell_ is he going to buy one of those just so he can aggravate the living shit out of Seongwoo; but alas, he is still short and he is still stuck in a shopping cart, so his wish is not granted as Seongwoo shoves him in the face with a palm and begins to quickly push the cart away, taking rapid and lengthy strides with those spindly and ugly long legs of his (which, Jihoon positively _hates_ , but everyone knows he’s lying when he says that).

* * *

After they’ve finally finished gathering all the new home shit they need, Seongwoo pushes the cart up to a checkout lane and proceeds to pay while Jihoon still sits in the shopping cart. The employee bagging items gives him a pointed look, but Jihoon puts on his cutest smile and the employee begrudgingly looks away. Inwardly, he laughs smugly.

A few minutes later, Seongwoo is pushing the cart towards the entrance. Jihoon is getting ready to hop out, but to his shock, Seongwoo begins to cackle, and Jihoon is automatically terrified for his life.

Seongwoo takes off in a sprint, just as he’d done when they first entered the store, and before Jihoon even realizes what the hell is happening, they’re flying out the store entrance and Jihoon is essentially screaming because they’re in a fucking _mall_ and the towers just went off because you are not allowed to take the fucking cart out of the store and now everyone is looking at the two (not really) men coasting down the tile in a blue _Bed Bath and Beyond_ shopping cart.

Seongwoo, that stupid bastard, is still crying, “Weeeee!” while Jihoon is holding on for dear life, yelling, “You bastard! You’re not supposed to take the cart out of the store!” Everybody in a good fifteen-or-something meter radius is looking at them, the towers are still beeping their (figurative) heads off, and there’s a bunch of employees gathered at the entrance to the store, wondering what the hell all the commotion is.

Jihoon is still absolutely terrified, and if possible, he becomes even more frightened, because he sees his imminent death right in front of his eyes -- they’re quickly approaching a pair of glass double doors, and they’re going to hit them in about two seconds--

Seongwoo jumps down at the very last moment, just like he did before, and when he recovers, Jihoon wants nothing more than to punch the cackling idiot behind him, but instead what he first does is grab Seongwoo’s collar and yell, “What the absolute fuck?!” in his face. “You’re not supposed to take the shopping cart out of the store, you idiot!”

Seongwoo just gives him a half-assed apology, still grinning that stupid grin of his, and Jihoon growls, burying his fists in the cloth of Seongwoo’s shirt and shaking him until he realizes that everybody is now staring at them.

His face immediately begins to grow red and hot, and he scowls. He sits back down and promptly raises his sweatshirt over his head--he doesn’t want to be associated with this giant anathema of a man--and the sweatshirt is big enough, so he just growls into cotton while Seongwoo wheels them back and apologizes to the employees for being an absolute fucking idiot -- how is _he_ the older one, again?

Seongwoo has to pick him up out of the cart and set him down by the armpits, because Jihoon absolutely refuses to come out of his little cave. Seongwoo just laughs, placing a few plastic shopping bags in his hands. He has to grab onto a fistful of cotton at Jihoon’s shoulder and guide him out of the mall like he’s guiding a blind kid (Jihoon kind of wishes he were blind, so he’d never have to look at Seongwoo’s face again).

Once they’re in the parking lot, Jihoon shakes his head rapidly so the sweatshirt falls down, and he can finally take in a breath of fresh air. “Oh my god,” he mutters, “I was about to fucking suffocate to death in there, and it’s all your damn fault!” He glares pointedly at Seongwoo.

“How is it _my_ fault when you’re the one that decided to hole yourself up!?” Seongwoo exclaims, glaring back, and if Jihoon weren’t holding a bunch of shopping bags, he’d probably punch Seongwoo in the gut right at that moment.

He swears he’s never going shopping with the bastard again, especially to that mall.

* * *

But alas, that statement does not hold true, because the next day, Seongwoo realizes that they forgot to buy toilet paper.

“Why the fuck do you need toilet paper from _Bed Bath and Beyond_?” Jihoon asks, “Why can’t you just buy toilet paper from the grocery store? Like a _normal person_?”

“But _Bed Bath and Beyond_ is the only place that sells the fancy brand!” Seongwoo protests, “It’s the only one soft enough for my rear end!”

“Oh my fucking god,” Jihoon deadpans, automatically scowling, and then the next moment, he raises his foot and kicks Seongwoo right in the middle of his ass with the flat of his foot. “Holy shit,” he mutters, when he takes his foot down, “your ass is really bony. Oh my god, why am I dating you, again? I’m an ass man.”

 


End file.
